I may be the only one here but lately my side of the office has been absolutely freezing. My hands are so cold I can barely move my mouse, which as you can imagine makes it difficult to produce great work and create bloggings. I was wondering if we were turning down the thermostat in an effort to save on building heat and if so, could I have permisson to bring in a space heater? My full-length sweaters just aren't enough sometimes.
Mr. Kensington would like to know where Ms. Kelley has been the past two days. Usually she stops by once or twice a day to fill him in on important account managing details, which he requires in order to assess and control her quality. No sign of her in the basement office supplies closet either. She needs to bring her hot China Tea in here, and make it snappy.
Staff, Please refrain from attempting to flush Relax undergarments. These are NOT flushable, as is evident by the clog in the men's room the janitor, Billy, called me about at home this evening to report. I trust that this was merely a testing of the product's quality or an attempt to dispose of sample product sent by the client, but again, these are NOT flushable. As Facilities Manager, I must insist that these items be disposed of in a trash receptacle. In the words of Billy, "Ayudame!, people." Trisha Dargan, OM
Several of you who were expected to attend the Relax meeting this morning decided not to show up. Consequently, our client was very disappointed and unexpectedly cut the meeting short. They didn't say anything but, "we have to go."
Please remember the material covered in our Workplace Conduct HR training meeting last month. While we are a very close knit family here at B&S, please remember to keep your comments regarding others in the office on a strictly professional level that builds up our coworkers as the valuable human resources we all are. Thanks, Trisha Dargan, OM
I will be out of the office tomorrow for a cleansing procedure at 9:00 am. However, if anyone needs to reach me, particularly regarding the Relax account or any IT issues, I will have my Blackberry on throughout the appointment and remainder of the day. Thanks, Trisha Dargan, OM
Mr. Kensington would like to remark on the legs of his new assistant secretary Ann-Marie Annie. Quite a pair. Annie's been called up to the big leagues from the bullpen. Somebody in HR see about getting the boys in Creative a new project coordinator gopher.
As most of you know Relax—our adult protective-undergarment client—needs immediate assistance. Profits are are at risk; confidence is on the line; containment must be snug. From our 8:00 meeting we have derived two key action items:
I just got an urgent call from the folks at Relax. They're flying in tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. to talk to us about an accident they had at the plant. I've instructed them not to speak to the media until we can issue an official statement on their behalf. We'll need to immediately assemble a crisis management team and schedule a press conference before this thing gets too messy.
Please explore the construction and use of robots in our array capabilities. We continue to forge ahead in new areas of "cutting-edge" technology, and as such, this directive is key to business growth. Mr. Chris Moran has acquired this technology and is now successfully commanding a legion of robots to market for him. Yet again, we see entities outside this firm raise the bar high enough that even a limber marketing fiberglass-pole-vaulter struggles to launch himself over. We must be that pole-vaulter, ladies and gentlemen.