Nick,

Once again I am profoundly thankful for your insights and forethought. Where would this company be without your leadership, Creative Direction, Standard Operating Procedures, thorough meetings to discuss orientation procedures, your ability to multiply hours on jobs times the Job Rate and enter these figures in MarketBuddy2000, your involvement in picking the thickness of paper on a tri-fold — The list goes on.

Please keep the thermostat at its current position. Please ask Miss Bilmore if a Space Heater will comply with Fire and Safety Regulations.

Mr. Baffington,

I simply don’t know what to say. Your generous comments have made my day. Working with you is so pleasurable. I will always serve you with blind loyalty and faith.

Nick, I believe Trisha is out of the office today. She is the only one who knows the password to the thermostat.

Nick, got your email about the space heater. Absolutely not. OSHA would fry our backsides on a space heater if we did that. And speaking of backsides, thank you for your concern regarding my cleansing procedure this a.m. Yes, everything went just fine. At home recuperating with the sweetest little feline’s in the whole world. They’re really concerned about me and won’t leave my side. How cute!

Thanks,
Trisha Dargan, OM

Sent from my BlackBerry

Trisha. The visuals you are implanting into my psychee are eating my brain alive. I cannot possibly eat my McFish sandwich while having to listen to you ramble on in the hallways about how “healthy” your colon is. If anything else, please try eating plums and cardboard.

Now, can you please tell me how to copy and paste Flash into a Word document? I need to prepare a presentation for Great Day Rubber.

Mr. Kensington notes that it has been a bit chilly in his office of late as well. While he prefers his secretary’s area to be in the brisk 50s, he maintains his own office at the King’s Temperature of 82. Have Johnson deliver another pallet of aged oak, and for the love of Errol Flynn make sure he knows to empty the ash bucket and sweep the hearth thoroughly. He left soot all over the wood cradle last time.

Trisha, thanks for unlocking the thermostat. Per the new sign you attached to it, staff will “Adjust TEMP ONLY by NO MORE THAN 2 degrees.” Also, the money we save by following the instructions written on the signs you put on both the toilet paper and paper towel dispensers will certainly contribute to sizable bonuses for all of us this year. Nick, amendments to facilities SOP seems in order.

Thank you, Mr. Sellers.

Nick, I’ve already begun writing an SOP for the two-sheet/towel rule. I’ll email it to you, and you can put your input into it.

Thanks,
Trisha Dargan, OM

Posted from my BlackBerry